His One Choice Page 5

  “Me? You should be thinking about yourself, I’m so sorry about your sister.”

  I don’t have the right to call her my cousin anymore. It’s better to separate myself from the family ties that once bonded us.

  “It wasn’t your fault, he put us all through Hell. You should go and see Dad; he’d love to see you.”

  Words, air, they’re both lodged in my throat and I’m grateful a second time when JJ grabs my arm and tucks me against him.

  “I don’t think we’ve officially met,” he says to the girlfriend.

  “JJ, and this is Harper.”

  “Nina,” she says and coughs when Zach’s smoke wafts in her direction.

  He’s quick to wave his hand to clear the smoke and cusses. He drops the smoke to the ground and extinguishes it under his boot.

  That’s odd. Zach has never wasted a smoke before, but then Nina holds her stomach and it all makes sense. His eyes fall to her hand and he frowns but doesn’t say anything so nor do I. It isn’t my business anyway. JJ doesn’t mention anything either. He probably wouldn’t put two and two together and come out with four.

  “Anyway, we’re going home. Shall I let my dad know you’ll be stopping by soon?”

  My first reaction is to shake my head, but Jay beats me to it and answers for me.

  “Don’t bother yourself, we’ll stop by soon.”

  Zach nods, and with his old lady, they walk off with her muttering something under her breath. Is she talking about me?

  “What do you think she’s saying to him?” I ask JJ.

  “Fuck knows, probably moaning about him smoking. I hear she’s always on his ass to stop.”

  Turning my attention to my husband, I forget about other people’s problems and move away from him.

  “One drink,” he offers. “We’ll stay for a drink and then we’ll go home.”

  My heart sinks but I can do this for him and take hold of his hand. “I’ll stay for one, but no more.”

  Inside, the atmosphere is strained, and no one looks our way apart from the twins. Myles lifts his hand and salutes me and Mason offers half a smile.

  I’m grateful when JJ leads us to the bar, and we slip onto the stools away from Ricky and Kyla sitting at the other end. JJ orders himself a beer and me a bottle of water. While we wait for our drinks, I subtly look around. The brothers are sitting, drinking, a few old ladies sit together on the couches talking quietly between them while the club girls are quietly staying in the shadows.

  It’s a stark contrast to how it normally is around here. It’s so quiet I can still hear Ellis’s voice mocking and making threats. I close my eyes and I can feel him pressing against me, yanking on my hair. I can feel his breath on my neck before he presses his lips to my skin. I can smell the faint cologne he wore mixed with his sweat and cigarette smoke. A cold shudder runs down my spine and I turn back to JJ just in time for our drinks.

  “How was Leo?”

  I’ve put off asking him all afternoon, but now I want to know. It’ll help to distract myself.

  “He was fine,” he says with a slight shrug, clearly he’s keeping something back.

  “Don’t lie to me, how was he?”

  His jaw clenches before he answers, “He’s angry.”

  Of course he is and if he knew everything, he’d direct his anger towards me.

  “He’s dealing with his grief by staying away from everyone and trying to work out what happened to drive Cas to kill Ellis behind his back.”

  There’s more, I don’t know how but I can sense it.

  “And?” I push him.

  “And he’s confused, he’s putting shit together and he wasn’t far off from the truth. He finds it strange that you came back the night I killed Ellis.”

  “Did you…did you tell him anything?”

  His gaze drops from mine and he shakes his head. This is what I didn’t want. As much I love JJ and need to be with him, I didn’t want him in the middle of his wife and the guy he’s known forever. It’s going to bring him down after so long and I have to stand by and watch because he and Cas keep telling me to live like nothing happened.

  “Of course I didn’t, I promised you I wouldn’t, and I won’t. I told him I’d swing by in the morning, I’m going to keep a close eye on him for as long as he lets me.”

  Would he still go out there each day to check on India and the baby if I chose Leo to die? Life is bad enough now, it would be far worse if Leo was shot and killed. Maybe not this week, or month, but one day there will be a time between them when he tells Leo the truth. They’re too close for Jay to keep the truth from him.

  “Don’t go there,” he whispers harshly, “in your head.”

  He reaches across for my hand and I appreciate his touch.

  “I can’t help it,” I say, not sure what he thinks I’m thinking.

  “As long as you know I’m going to be at your side before anyone else’s. I’m not going anywhere, even when the darkness has lifted.”

  “I hear you, I really do.”

  Heat pulses through me and I lift my hand and place it on his cheek. “I understand you think it’ll help me being here, but I want you, and I want us to be home tonight.”

  He cocks his brow and the corner of his mouth tugs up suggestively. This is the first time I’ve initiated intimacy since returning from Mercy and he doesn’t waste a moment. He’s off his stool and lifting me off mine. Twisting his hand around mine, he leads us back out to his bike. Sex has never been an issue between us, and I need him tonight like I’ve never needed him before. The ride is fast and swift. The open roads giving him a clear path home. As soon as he has the front door open, I rush through and head upstairs.

  “Give me five minutes,” I yell behind me and shut myself in the bathroom. I turn the shower on and strip out of my clothes and then it hits me, my ribs. I ignore the stinging sensation down my side and let the water flow down my body as I step under the spray of water. Pain has never really bothered me before; it reminds me I’m still alive. I can’t start moaning now when I’m here and India isn’t.

  I take my time washing and stand under the spray until the water starts to run cold. Shutting the shower off, I reach through the curtain and grab the nearest towel. Wrapping myself up, I slide the curtain across and step out to JJ leaning against the doorframe.

  He’s tired, the bags under his eyes grow by the day and I take full blame. I stay standing in the middle of the bathroom and he doesn’t move either.

  “Aren’t you going to dry off?”

  “I will when you leave me to.”

  Narrowing his eyes, his jaw tightens and his adams apple bobs angrily.

  “You’ve never hidden yourself from me, this is the second time you haven’t wanted me around while getting changed. What are you hiding, babe?”

  So many things from so many people, I think to myself, but I say, “Nothing.”

  Even to my ears, it sounds like a lie and I go to walk around him. I should have locked the door.

  He doesn’t budge and I step back. His hand shoots forward for my wrist but I’m faster and he misses.

  Hurt flashes over him and he steps further into the bathroom. “You’re my wife, if you can’t talk to me, you’re fucked. I’ll beg if I have to, babe. Please, talk to me. I can feel you slipping away, and I can’t fucking stand it.”

  Rushing forward, I keep one hand clutched around the towel to keep it secure and latch my other onto his sweater.

  “I’m not going anywhere, I…don’t want you to go anywhere.”

  The thought of JJ walking away from me hurts more than anything my imagination could drum up.

  “That’s not going to happen, ever. I can promise you this over and over, but I need you to see we’re in this life together, no matter what happens.”

  He’s right, he normally is. I release his sweater and take a deep breath before letting go off the towel. It drops to my feet as fast as my eyes drop to the floor. I don’t want to see his reaction when he
lays eyes on me. Raising my arm, I half turn and close my eyes. A small shudder runs through me when I feel his fingertips caressing the area.

  “He did this to you.”

  His murmur is so soft it causes one single tear to slide out the corner of my eye.

  I’d like to say I’ll forget the sting of the knife as Ellis carved his name on the unmarked skin over my ribs, but I probably won’t.

  “I was hoping it would heal and you wouldn’t have to see it,” I tell him and another tear falls.

  “Stop thinking about me, this is about you. Nothing you show me will push me away.”

  He bends down and scoops up the towel from around my feet. He wraps me in the soft fabric and leads me into the bedroom. I finish drying and drag one of his hoodies. I climb into bed while he undresses down to his boxers. The mattress moans under his weight as he slips under the sheets and moves closer to me.

  “I don’t think it will scar, it wasn’t too deep,” he says, pressing his lips to my forehead.

  I hope so, more than anything. I was thinking I might have to get a tattoo to cover it, but if it fades to nothing, even better. Even if ink hid the scars, I’d still know why the tattoo was there.

  “It’s how I got the knife from him to hurt him back. After he was finished, he put the knife beside me, more interested in looking over his handiwork and I tucked it away before he remembered.”

  This is the most I’ve spoken about that night to him and I think it’s enough for tonight. As he holds me, I run my hand down his chest and rest my fingers just inside the waistband of his boxers.

  “Harp…”

  “Shh.”

  He hasn’t touched me since Mercy, and it’s felt like a lifetime. We both need physical assurance and I need it more than ever.

  Craning my neck towards him, I press my lips against the bottom of his neck and small chill bumps spring up across his skin. I work my way up to his chin and use my free hand to grasp onto his beard. He’s got to stop thinking. His mouth finds mine and his tongue sweeps across my bottom lip before his teeth clamp down and tugs.

  He’s just as hungry for me as I am for him and all my anxieties fade to black as he shifts, rolling on top of me. It started as sex between us and as sad as it sounds, it’s the sex that, in my mind, keeps him as mine.

  JJ

  Last night was needed to get us back on the right track. I’ve missed her so much and every touch reminded me of how much she loves me. My stomach nearly dropped out my ass when I saw her ribs. His name in scabs. I killed the man myself and it still wasn’t enough to know when I saw what she has been hiding from me. All these weeks and she’s been keeping her physical pain from me. I can’t believe it.

  I wanted to lose my shit, punch the wall, kick out at the door, but she had finally opened herself to me and I couldn’t bring myself to be the reason she clammed up again. Rolling over, I seek her warmth and soft skin when I find her side of the bed empty and her nowhere to be seen.

  Dragging on a pair of sweats from the laundry pile, I forget she’s only told me a fraction of what happened that night and push my hair out of my face. I grab a wife beater from the drawers on the way to the stairs. I’m halfway down when a collection of clangs and bangs fill the house.

  Hurrying my pace, I walk into the kitchen to find Harper at the stove and my parents sitting at the table.

  Raising my brows, this wasn’t what I was expecting to wake up and find. Harper’s too busy frying bacon to notice me, it isn’t until mom gets up and pours me a coffee she looks up.

  “Hey, babe. I’m cooking you breakfast.”

  “I can see that,” I say, taking the mug of coffee mom passes my way. Glancing at the clock, it’s after four in the afternoon. Breakfast?

  “What are you guys doing here?”

  Harper moves onto another pan to stir the eggs and her cheeks balloon as she exhales a heavy breath.

  “I saw them at the store and offered to make breakfast.”

  “You’ve been out?”

  We didn’t fall asleep until four am. She’s more of a sleeper than me, she should be as tired as I am.

  “Yeah, I went to the store,” she repeats like I’m fucking stupid for not keeping up. “We didn’t have anything in, and I knew you’d be hungry when you woke up.”

  She isn’t wrong but I was planning on taking her out for food.

  Dad jerks his chin towards the back door, and I take my coffee with me as I follow him out into the back yard.

  “Cas said he had a good chat with her yesterday, I thought it would mean she’s doing okay,” he says, digging out his smokes.

  “She is,” I say, but it’s not the whole truth.

  “Is she?” he grunts, lighting up. He passes the lit cigarette over and I accept it gratefully. He lights his own and carries on. “Did you not see how she was dressed? The girl’s in her fucking pyjama’s, son. Luckily, we were there and could help her out, not that she said she needed it.”

  Shit. Taking a deep drag, I inhale and exhale a long stream of smoke before draining half my coffee. I peer through the window and she’s buzzing around the kitchen like she’s on drugs.

  “I didn’t even hear her leave, we were up half the night, she shouldn’t even be awake yet.”

  “Well, she is and she’s rushing her tits off. Is she still on medication?”

  She should be but after everything that has happened, I wouldn’t be surprised if she has missed the last week or so. She has pills to lift her mood, help her sleep and calm her anxiety.

  “Harper, please let me help,” we hear mom groan and we head back inside.

  Harper is running the cold water over her hand and she refuses to make eye contact with me.

  “What happened?” I ask, going over to her. I snatch her hand and it’s cold from the water. It’s a little red but nothing that won’t heal with a bit of cream.

  “Nothing, I was distracted for a moment…”

  “She went to pick up the pan without wearing a mitt,” mom tells me and guides Harper away from me and over to the table.

  I pull out a chair for her and still, she won’t look at me.

  “I’ll finish up breakfast, you sit down,” Mom tells her.

  “I could get used to eating every time we come around here,” Dad adds in and I’m guessing it’s to lighten the mood.

  “Don’t get used to it, old man. We’re not a soup kitchen.”

  I snort and it earns me a slap around the back of the head.

  “Less of the old man, and we’re not fucking charity.”

  “I asked them here for breakfast, babe,” Harper chimes in and I frown.

  “You know it’s the middle of the afternoon, yeah?”

  Her eyes dart to the clock hanging on the wall and her lips purse together in confusion.

  “I must still be tired,” she murmurs, accounting for her confusion.

  “Why don’t you go back to bed, and I’ll make sure we’ll save you some food,” I offer and she’s too quick out of her seat accepting it.

  Tucking her hands in the sleeves of my hoodie she’s wearing, she slips upstairs without another word said and I’m left with my parents looking at me for answers.

  “She’s tired and she’s under a lot of stress. It doesn’t mean shit that she went out in her pyjamas.”

  I’m defending her because I will to anyone who questions her actions, but on the inside I’m worried and a little angry.

  Scraping the chair back, I walk over to the top cabinet and pull down her box she uses to keep her medication in. Flipping through various packets and counting pills, it becomes clear she hasn’t been taking them for a while. Shoving the lot back into the box, I put it back in the cabinet and close the door.

  Having lost my appetite, I’m thankful when dad’s phone rings and he gets information that two Crows are sitting on their asses in our diner eating our food. I don’t need to be told, I head upstairs to get dressed and find Harper asleep in the middle of the bed.

&nb
sp; I’m going to have to get her to see the doctor, if only to get her back on her meds. I creep about the room as not to wake her and head back downstairs. Picking up my keys from the side unit in the hall, I backtrack to the kitchen and mom has cleared the food away and put a plate in the oven for Harper.

  “You two go, I’ll clean up here and then head home.”

  Dad kisses her briefly before passing by me and walking outside, I go to follow when I stop and turn back.

  “If Harper wakes while you’re here, can you stay with her? I’ll deal with the Crows and come straight back.”

  “Sure, son. She’ll be fine, you know.”

  I fucking hope so. I walk out the door ready to fuck these Crows up. They’ve picked the wrong day to show up in our town. I’m more than ready for a fight.

  Harper

  Something is off when I wake. I don’t need to open my eyes to know JJ is in the room and I can sense he’s not happy. Rolling over, I face the music and he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, and his knuckles are covered in dried blood. I let my eyes roam the rest of his body and there don’t appear to be any more marks on him, only his hands.

  “What happened?” I ask. As far as I know, I went for a lay down and left him downstairs with his parents.

  “Tell me why you haven’t been taking your medication first,” he retorts.

  “I don’t need them.”

  They don’t help, I feel like shit with or without them, so what’s the point in putting them in my body for no reason? JJ is what I need to be happy and no bullshit drama in our lives. That’s the perfect recipe to happiness.

  “If the doctor says you need them, you need them, and last I checked you aren’t a fucking doctor.”

  “I know my own body and I’m telling you I don’t need them.”

  “What if I make you an appointment and we’ll see what the doc says? If he agrees with you, I’ll shut my mouth.”

  “I’m not going, it’s a waste of time and a waste of money.”

  Scrubbing his hand over his face, he’s losing his patience, but so am I. He lashes out and grabs my wrist, he flips it around so my scar is showing, and I cringe at the sight of it.